Not Knowing

For those of you who might have read my last post, I am happy to say I'm feeling a bit more cheerful. I think the extended period of gray and rain finally got to me and the world seemed like a very bleak place. But we've had several days of sunshine (and moonshine!) and my spirits are slowly lifting.

I was cheered a bit more yesterday while listening to the recent interview Bill Moyers did with Jane Goodall. Jane is, of course, a living legend and I think every animal lover the world over has envied her extraordinary experiences living among and studying the chimpanzees of Gombe National Park. During her conversation with Moyers, Jane commented that sometimes we don't need to always be trying to answer the big questions. Sometimes it is just okay to not know what it's all about and just be comfortable in not knowing. Boy, was that a nice thing to hear! I felt my spirit instantly relax into the idea that just breathing in and experiencing the beautiful world around us might be enough. Perhaps the answers come to us in those moments, and then again, perhaps we all go to the grave not knowing a damned thing.

I guess, like most people, I've always expected that the older I got, the more I would know. But I find that is not nearly the case. I may have more information in my tiny little brain, I may gather more knowledge per se, but I don't really feel like I know any more than I did when I was 20. In a lot of ways, I feel like I know less. I had the cocky self-assurance of my convictions back then. Now I know better -- my way of looking at the world is no better or worse than anyone else, nor is it any more true or valid. We're all just scratching our heads, trying to figure it out. Perhaps "wisdom" is just getting comfortable with this inevitable fact of life.