Apparently, now and again adults take the time to sit down and contemplate what a disaster their life is. They complain without understanding and, like flies constantly banging against the same old windowpane, they buzz around, suffer, waste away, get depressed then wonder how they got caught up in this spiral that is taking them where they don't want to go. The most intelligent among them turn their malaise into a religion..."I'm somewhat frightened to read this and realize how accurately it reflects my own sense of the world. I'm not sure where this story is going yet, and what will become of our young Paloma, but is it really possible that my view of the world is so stark?
As I read everyone giving thanks on their little Facebook posts, and remarking on how "blessed" they are, I just can't help feeling terribly cynical and judgmental. I mean, really ... blessed? Or is it just random chance that you weren't born in a mosquito-infested mudhole in Sudan? Are you blessed because God likes you better than those poor souls suffering under the crushing weight of a tyrannical militia in some far-off country whose name we cannot even pronounce? Is there any real reason behind any of this, other than whatever meaning we randomly assign it? I am inclined to think that the only real meaning in the universe is what we decide for ourselves.
Ironically, I do not say any of this without gratitude. For I do wake up every day wondering how I got so goddamned lucky to have been born in this beautiful place with ample opportunity and access to those things I need to be comfortable. And I want other humans to have just as much, if not more, than what I have. It makes me sick that there are people suffering and dying in places like Darfur because, basically, humans are sick horrible creatures that can do these things to other humans. But I guess, rather than clasping my hands together and thanking a God that is likely just a manifestation of my own brain's chemical reactions, I am just exhaling in the general direction of random luck, not really knowing how to express the relief I feel at being dealt such a lofty hand in this life.
I hope that someday I can be a better human being, that I can help others get what they need and have a better life. Maybe the only true path to happiness is to give away everything you were given and know what it is to stand naked against the force of the world. Will I ever be brave enough to do this? And if I am, and if I do what I think is right, perhaps then I will truly appreciate what it is to be thankful.
"Maybe the only true path to happiness is to give away everything you were given and know what it is to stand naked against the force of the world...perhaps then I will truly appreciate what it is to be thankful."
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